VICTORY.

Once again it happens.

The only difference this time is that i know it's the last time it happens.

we broke up.

I let him do it.

We both fought until the very end. I know he tried very hard to make it work. So did i. but I guess he got tired of the distance. I don't even know where to start.

I have been crying the past three hours, I talked to mom which made me feel better. Deep in my heart I do feel released because I know this was the right thing to do. We both knew that breaking up was the best solution. Living in two different countries is not easy, especially when you are so in love with each other like we were. I truly loved him from the bottom of my heart. I knew I could not hurt him so I held all my feelings and thoughts in to let him break up with me. I don't think I could stand breaking up with him and seeing him get hurt.

He used to believe in us, he used to do everything to make things work but now he got tired. I cant blame him and I don't hate him for that.

Yesterday I booked the tickets back home, I called him to tell him that but I could tell he wasn't very happy or excited about it. Now I know why. Because we wont get to see each other anyways. Going home doesn't make me excited either anymore, I do miss mom, dad and max but I really did look forward to see him again. To hug him, kiss him and to hold his hand. None of that is awaiting me anymore.

He said that I chose my way to continue my life and so shall he so he chooses to set me free. He needs a break. I hope he understands that this is not a break we are on. I don't want to get through this pain again so I will force myself to forget about him, to not think about him and to never mention him again. But I know deep in my heart I wont be able to do that. He will always be a part of me. No matter what. Even the day I get married I think I will think about him. How he used to make me happy, make me laugh and make me the happiest girl on earth.

I don't know whether or not I will believe in such thing as love again but I know I will be happy for him when he finds someone who can make him happy. The happiest guy on earth. I wish him all happiness and can't wait until the day we can face each other again being the best friends. Though I don't know when that day will be. I truly hope that day even takes place in my future.

My heart is in pieces right now, he was the one who gave me strength, he gave me the courage to get involved emotionally with a guy and now he lets me down. The first and only guy I have really loved has given up on me. I guess everything has its first time, now I can officially say that I have been dumped for the first time.

My dream destroyed my relationship, my first real love and my everything. Two weeks has not even passed and we are finished, who would believe that we would be able to survive 4 years?

Love is not easy, I knew from the very beginning that it wasn't. But loving someone is like gambling. You put everything you have and in the end, either you win or you loose. I lost. We lost. At the same time I won many unforgettable memories, new experiences but most important, a new friend. A Best friend.

Not seeing each other doesn't mean you cannot be best friends. I think we will be that kind of best friends. Best friends that keep each others deep in their hearts.

When I think back on all the times we spent together I cant keep my tears from running down my cheeks. I guess the past is the only place I cannot visit.

A few days ago I put up pictures on my walls just to get the feeling of being home but now everything seems so unfamiliar to me. Everything seems so foreign and I know I don't have the right to have the pictures up on my wall anymore but those are really the only things that makes me laugh when I'm alone in my room. The only things that gives me the feelings that I'm home. I think I might keep the pictures up for a while until I am strong enough to be in the room without them. That day will arrive I am sure, just need some time.

Getting together on the third and breaking up for the last time on the third, I guess this was meant to be. And I guess three is not and will never be a magic number anymore.

I just wanna thank him for the 16 months we have been together. I don't and will never regret it. Those months are a part of me and will always be. Those months were the happiest months in my life. Now, I wish him all happiness in life and concerning me, I will take good care of myself. So don't worry about me folks.

The happy and strong Victoria will be back on the 29^th of October so make sure you are all ready to shake it!